He found me in a field, I was alone there and he heard me crying. He came over and looked, and saw I was naked, bloody, my umbilical cord still attached to my stomach. Kicking in dirt and blood he gently picked me up and we left the field together as he carried me cradled in his arms.
He took me home. With warm water and a gentle touch he cleaned me head to toe, dried me, and put powder on me. Then he put some new, colorful, beautiful clothes on me and I was no longer filthy, scared, bleeding, cold, naked and alone.
As I grew he taught me. What he taught were things I doubt I never would have learned nor could conclude on my own through observation and experience. The teaching started out basic, but what I learned and how I learned grew in time; as I became more knowledgeable my confidence was increasing along with my understanding. I began to see things through a different kind of lens, a different way than through my own senses and reactions to everything in the world around me.
He started by introducing what he called The Three, or Trinity. Three was a number we returned to often, and could be applied to other things too, but my own experience and education began with these:
- Love. Love is both being and action at the same time. It is how I see him and how I see other people. I saw him as the one who found me in the field and though he had nothing to gain by doing it, he took me as his own and cared for me. I can’t tell you what or why he loved me, I never did understand what about me would cause anyone to love me, and in fact I feared there may be far more reasons to never fall in love with me.
The love was never predicated nor conditional upon me, upon what I was expected to do, or what I could do, or could accomplish. It was freely given, and it filled me with a sense of purpose, a recognition that I had value to someone I cared for, that I mattered. As time went on I became increasingly aware that the love he had for me was beginning to grow in my own heart and returned to him that same thing – that same love – and other things were added to the love because these came naturally, they fit right in.
Adding to my love came trust. I reached the point where I had no doubt that he could do whatever needed to be done, he could care for me, he was a beautiful loving father that only wanted my life to be filled with good things. But those good things surprised me in the sense that they did not consist of anything I saw around me.
- Light. I explain what I was taught by telling you what I perceived before the light came into my life. Before then there was only darkness. The darkness was thick and palpable. It had a sensation, a quality, it left me alone, quiet, brooding and afraid.
The light removed the darkness, bit by bit, the light enabled me to see things more clearly, more accurately. The truth of a matter came to light and it was refreshing, clean, and brought to me joy and peace somehow. The truth, or the light, was oftentimes quite unexpected. It was always simple and straightforward, never convoluted nor complicated.
The light shined on my father and his light on me. The truth came to me delivering with it a sense of freedom. It released me from preconceptions that were simply incorrect, or worse, dangerously erroneous and even harmful, those things that at first glance offered the most attraction to me. They were alluring, promising pleasure, security, even giving me a sense of my own inherent greatness as a human being, someone who could do anything, someone who deserved to be loved and admired.
But all these were distractions, counterfeits to the true light. The truth in the light was the opposite. It had nothing whatsoever to do with accumulating things or seeking the admiration of others. It hearkened back to the value of love, the one thing that I could not physically see, touch nor even count or measure. I began to realize the unseen things were worth more than the things I could see.
- Life. My life began in horror. I was crying, cold and suffering. I was a broken castoff whose only future was more pain, more struggling, more sadness. But as Love and Light were taught, revealed and sealed within my heart and mind, the idea of life came into clear focus, and once again surprised me in terms of how unexpected it was.
The fear that I would die disappeared. The life I had could never disappear, and it could live on and on forever, even after the body I was in disappeared and returned to the dirt where I was found. I would live forever, so I never again had to fear my life being taken away by disease, time, accident, or by another person.
The life wasn’t filled with things, it did not consist of the accumulation of more and more and more abundance and wealth. Those were alternatives to a good life, attractive – yes – but counterfeits that could only waste my life, my time, and in the end would not be going with me after my body disappeared, which wasn’t a long time after all.
The joy of being alive was rooted in my identification with my father, and was wrapped up in the Love and the Light that over the years I came to understand more and more clearly. The joy of living brought a peace that was undisturbed, even as all around me – the world that I was born into – was suffering, screaming, dying, lying, and groping through their own dark lives.
As I grew I became aware that Love, Light and Life we so inextricably connected and integrated, as a kind of system, that I no longer thought about these as separate, disparate areas of study and growth. I became so wrapped up and enraptured by my father – and what I had been taught – that I was somehow a part of him, and he belonged to me, and a bond that had been created was so strong that nothing could alter the strength, durability, and entirety of the existence I had grown into… I had reached a place where I could immediately discern anything that opposed us, it didn’t matter how beautiful it first appeared, or how my senses were somehow drawn toward it, or how clever was the explanation that came with it.
I knew myself, I knew my father, I knew what it meant to live, to breath, to be, and the inexplicable beauty of what was truly Love, Light and Life apart from what I witnessed in the world all around me: Hatred, Darkness and Death.
Without my father, and his son, and his spirit, the three in one, I realize today I could never have found nor discovered these things on my own, not in all my trying and searching. They could only have come from him.